I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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