Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
