There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
