there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
