You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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