I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
