You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He shit in the fireplace
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
