at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
