i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
