so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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