I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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