I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
