you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
