I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
