i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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