just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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