woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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