Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
