i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
