I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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