so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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