I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
