I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
