I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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