i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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