is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
