When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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