She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
