So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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