im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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