Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
