I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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