my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
