you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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