Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
