just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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