I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
