"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
