just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
