if only i could text you this smell
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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