just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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