I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
