Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
