maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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