Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
