Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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