I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
