remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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