I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
