I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
