guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
