i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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