WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
