im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
