he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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