remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
